at Manchester University
somewhere in 1994.
PRESS OFFICER (nervously knocking on Rollin's door): M-Mr Rollins?
(sound of heavy breathing from within) M-Mr Rollins?
ROLLINS (opening door veins bulging)
PRESS OFFICER: I - I know it's only 10 minutes before you're due
onstage b - but I have a zinewriter here. A Mr Taktundecorum who
needs to talk to you. It's for a British fanzine The Warzone very big in Low Hill
ROLLINS: You measly little goddamn runt, can't you see I'm CENTERING
MYSELF? I oughtta backhand you splat against these four walls, ASSHOLE!
But I won't. I am calm. I am professional. I am Zen. I hear the sound of one hand
clapping. Now GET DOWN THERE AND GIMME 20!
TACTUNDECURUM (from the corridor): Tell Rollins to get his arse out here and
don't waste my time, the bars still open y'know!
ROLLINS: Is that him?
PRESS OFFICER: I'm afraid so, Mr Rollins, sir...
ROLLINS: I can feel the venom building...OK, lead the little 80-pound mofo in.
TAKTUNDECORUM: Alright mate. So your the Rollins band I take it?
ROLLINS: I'm Rollins. And you've got all of two-minutes, so speak,now!
TAKTUNDECORUM: I have a number of questions and I ain't here to lick arse.
I got a tape recorder here somewhere? Hold on it's at the bottom of my bag (tesco shopping bag) of zines. Occupy yourself
while I get it.
ROLLINS: Why you...(clenches and unclenches fists, intoning to himself) I do not hate you. Hatred makes you divine...
TAKTUNDECORUM: My first question to you is are you Gay?
TAKTUNDECORUM: Do you take it up the shitter then?
ROLLINS: Are you raging on me, you little dementoid?
TAKTUNDECORUM: Well I just thought you hanging around the gymnasium every spare second of the day, it's bound to rub off on
you ain't it?
ROLLINS (Apoplectic): Why, I oughtta snap your head off you screwed up limey dork. I won't take responsibility for disemboweling
you on the spot!!!
TAKTUNDECORUM: Hank your red in the face calm down mate. So your sexual preference has embarrassed you, I see (passes
ROLLINS a can of diet coke) don't worry it could be worse. You ain't gotta be ashamed of wearing your trousers inside out here old
son. You are in England now, civilisation where a poofs a poof and a child molesters a nonce. We have pretty much caught up with
you liberated Californians!
ROLLINS: Listen you little English butt wipe do you want me to perform a truncation on you with my bare hands...
TAKTUNDECORUM: I can point you to a few bars where you can have a good time...
ROLLINS (veins bulging, breathing deeply): Bushido, Henry, Bushido. Remember the Samurai. I'm gonna spell this out for you
simple, Punk. I have nothing whatsoever against gay people.
TAKTUNDECORUM: Is that a fact?
ROLLINS: But I am not gay myself. Got it, cabbage head? I happen to like fuckng women and my Military background shows no room
for other trains of thought.
TAKTUNDECORUM: So its uniforms then eh? Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, say no more.
ROLLIINS: Got it????
TAKTUNDECORUM: Well when you were in the Village People, you enjoyed dressing up as a Policeman, right?
ROLLINS: Village People?? I was in BLACK FLAG, you sewer dwelling basket case!!!!
TAKTUNDECORUM: Hey what's the problem H? We won't make a big issue about you being in the Village People, singing and doing
that hand-jive. You were the policeman right?
ROLLINS: (flexing and unflexing biceps, snorting hard): You are sailing close to the wind here, my friend. Listen. I concede. I did
dress up as a policeman.
TAKTUNDECORUM: Ahhhhh It's OK 'Enery we live in an open society, we don't care if your gay, butch or partial to fancy dress. It
takes all sorts. Hey it's a damn site better than being Emo. So if your worried this is gonna make big news don't. You ain't gonna be
trounced in the media. This is only read by a few hundred punks...
ROLLINS: No, hairball, this is because I was in a goddamn movie! It's called "The Chase", it stars Charlie Sheen.
TAKTUNDECORUM: Oh yeah and you were chasing Charlie Sheen, eh?
ROLLINS: Yes! I mean NO! I mean, yes, but not in the way you think...listen...(begins to cry) I don't think I can take this anymore.
Euro-asshole...will you please accept me for what I am? Just a guy who happens to be heterosexual. Then go away...
TAKTUNDECORUM: Of course. Don't worry. We understand. Here's your boxer shorts blow your nose on them. It's OK for a man to
TAKTUNDECORUM: Particularly a gay man...Well cheers Hank it's been a pleasure. Seems my time is up and the bars still open so
have a good un and knock em dead....
ROLLINS: AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!! (Punches several holes in the wall then does 800 squat thrusts....)
You can see what Mr Rollins is up to these days at henryrollins.com/
ROLLINS...the pain, the angst and the squat-thrusts!!!